It’s not easy staying sane these days. Truly, it’s not. Social media, social norms, social pressures, socializing…stop already. I’ve had just about enough of all the social obligations! Get it?
We’re working longer hours, sleeping shorter nights and eating crappier food just to stay awake. Sugar high, anyone?
What’s it going to take? Really, what is it going to take for us to wake up, smell coffee, and get our collective poop grouped? Do we really want to live to work or do we want to create a living doing something that we love so we can chase our dreams while chasing the stars? The corporate gig is becoming overrated and outdated; WiFi-equipped Winnebago, here we go!
Enjoying those randos and those oh-so-secret liaisons that aren’t hurting anybody? What, so you aren’t somebody? It doesn’t hurt when someone finds out that you’ve hurt them? Tell that to the brokenhearted guy who has made a life out of destroying the hearts of every woman he touches because someone once blew up his.
Self-righteous? Uppity? High horse? Nope, I am a card carrying Karma Collector. I’ve made my share of missteps, mistakes, and oh-crap decisions…problem has always been that Karma was always lockstep behind me to kick me in the ass. She’s not selective; she gets us all.
Whether or not we realize it, life has a way of making sure we learn our lesson. Some of us course correct immediately, not wanting to repeat the repercussions of our bad behavior. But some of us are just hard learners and maybe — just maybe — have more work to do. Perhaps we had a troubled childhood. Maybe we were picked on in school. Some of us had problems later in life: money, love, drugs and alcohol, or other addictive risk-laden behaviors. Then there are those of us who were bullied by lovers, family and bosses alike, only wanting to please people and be liked, loved, and respected; we often end up depressed, depleted, and defeated.
Want to get off that merry-go-round? Do the work. It’s not easy. It will not be fun. Nope, not even enjoyable. A mammogram is far more pleasurable than this shite. But it’s worth it. Your value will increase tenfold.You are worth it. You have a purpose. You have value; don’t squander it in exchange for cheap imitations; go for quality!
Look, no one comes to this world perfect. Our souls make a pact before they hit the atmosphere: do our best, learn from our mistakes, make it a better world for others. We land, sometimes hard, and get distracted by all of the shiny objects and each other (and their shiny objects). We lose perspective. We lose our compass. We lose discretion.
There is no shame in saying, “I need help.” There is no shame in telling someone that you need to share a secret, spill your guts, or dig deep into your history to slay the demons of your past. It makes your future so much brighter and spirit filled. Ass-kickery engaged!
Twenty years ago, I needed help. In my time of need, I told the person to whom I thought I was closest; I asked him to help me. He looked me in the face and told me no. My problem would not be his and he wasn’t willing to take on my issues. I was embarrassed and humiliated; it made my problem all the more troublesome and I decided not to deal with it. Never again would I trust someone with something so important. While I was initially shocked and disappointed, eventually, after I got back on my path, alone, I became inspired. I vowed to never turn away someone who asked me to help them, ever. No mountain too high, no problem insurmountable. If someone was really willing to do the work, serious and steadfast in wanting to slay some demonic dragons of the past, I would stand up, step up, and roll up my sleeves and help them do their work. I like getting dirty. It makes getting clean so much more fun!
Mae and I had a phone conversation a few weeks ago and the “no” of my past came up. She promptly Googled his profile and busted out laughing. “Mom, that guy’s cheeks…good lord he’s storing nuts in those things!” We laughed so hard, I may have peed just a little. Her follow-up: “He wasn’t really a nice guy; he was a poser.” Far wiser than her mother! She was right. I’d seen pictures of him online over the years: sad, uninspired, and just blah. I scolded myself for ever letting someone so small get to me so badly. While I am certain his non-descriptiveness has little to nothing to do with me, I do believe that his crass, cold, and heartless attitude contributes to his unhappy condition; only he can change that. I wish him well and good luck. Mae sends squirrels and acorns. You’re welcome.
I think about how I would handle any interaction with him today, and honestly, it would probably be akin to a retail transaction: cordial, brief, and exact change. I will never let someone cheat me out of my value again, but I won’t let their bad behavior negatively influence my karmic bank account. I’d walk away, head held high, and not look back. I don’t believe in staring at closed doors anymore. What’s done is done, and I’ve done the work so I no longer need to ask for help.
If you’re hurt, do the work. Exhausted? Do the work. Burned out on the job? Do (less of) the damn work. Need to drop the weight? Do the work. If you’re addicted; do the work. If you’re financially out of control, do the work. Get the point? DO THE WORK. Don’t know where to start? Start here. Start now. Tell someone you trust and ask the hardest question you can ever ask anyone: “I need help. I am scared. Will you help me?” If they like their karma, they will still stand up and step up. We’ll do it together: on your own, but never alone. The Dutch way.
Mia Moore, Duchess of Doing the Work