Grief has a funny way of taking over. It can be all-consuming, interfering with the most minor life routines, let alone the big rocks.
It’s a topic that doesn’t get its fair play, and society often expects individuals passing through grief to shrug it off, pull up their bootstraps, and fake it ‘til they make it, to the other side of grieving.
But when grief becomes so overwhelming and overpowers a person, it can have a personality-altering impact on the individual, both temporarily and permanently. Large-scale losses, such as disasters, including the dark days of COVID-19, can have devastating, long term impact on a person’s character and personality.
Grief can turn into anger and loss of memory recall, and it can disrupt social and professional interactions. I’ve seen grief turn good people into versions of something unrecognizable, shapeshifting them into mean, untrusting, and broken souls; driving them to cope through habits, behaviors, and patterns that may shock their loved ones, and perhaps even themselves.
However, grief also has a transformative power that can do the exact opposite; soften the hardest hearts and create healing in rifts that previously would not mend. While the general phases and stages may be similar, everyone grieves differently, and depending on the loss, time can be a sliding scale factor in the process.
Since the pandemic, I have lost a lot. Some losses I initiated for my personal wellness, and others were thrust upon me. But none of those changes compared to the loss of my furry friend, Aiden. I cannot explain nor thoroughly comprehend myself the magnitude of his passing. There were days I absolutely struggled to function. The brain fog, sleepless nights, and the relentless crying fits that popped up randomly throughout the day, were sometimes more than I could take.
As I reflected on why his loss was so impactful on me, I realized that the last time I felt this significant grief was when I lost my grandfather, Dutch, when I was twelve. Two loyal, dedicated, and true protectors, each had such a profound influence on my life, and that kind of void is not easily refilled.
Sitting here, writing to you, an email of memories past flashed and Aiden’s face appeared on my screen. Rather than cry, I smiled back at him and recalled that day when he was happy, healthy, and full of life. My big fluffy boy was such a big part of my life for so long that there are when it still doesn’t seem like he could be gone. His loss has certainly changed me.
Taking care of someone you love, knowing they will eventually leave you, is a humbling and honoring experience. Being strong for someone who has lost their strength, will, or mind can test one’s faith and boundaries. It is a test for the strongest among us, let alone the faint of heart.
I won’t rely on cliches about time and wounds, because everyone’s healing looks and feels different. What I will suggest is that grief can result in good things once we get through it. I am far quieter these days, choosing not to waste my breath or words on situations or people that will not benefit from my voice.
I don’t chase unavailable things: people, jobs, material things. If they’re meant to be in my life, the Divine will devise a way to make it happen. Sweating over decisions that aren’t mine to make is a bad use of energy and only causes stress.
My patience is greater, but my tolerance is smaller. Words have a way of getting lost in translation; action is the only language I speak.
I allow myself to feel more, and I make quicker decisions regarding those feelings because I trust my gut to help me to make good decisions; something that I didn’t always do in the past.
Grief can move us to open our minds, our hearts, and forgive trespasses that have lingered far too long. Letting unresolved grievances go for too long prevents us from sealing up the wounds, mending fences, and resolving differences before it’s too late.
Loss and grief are unfortunate parts of everyone’s life, and eventually, we will all experience it at least once in this lifetime. But if we’re thoughtful enough to evolve from it, we can exit the other side with a little more wisdom, self-reflection, and even faith. That can be a good thing.