Back in the old days when magazines were still (gasp) printed on tree pulp, I loyally subscribed to Elle, a woman’s fashion and advice mag that spoke to women of all walks of life and always had a snarky message or two between the pages.
One such column with humor and snark (I am a big fan) is Ask E. Jean (www.AskEJean.com) who wittedly empowered women to find, and hold, their ground in various situations. Often, she would suggest to readers who write in for advice that one openly announces plans to run off with another romantic partner if the incumbent did not fulfill expectations of the role. Please note, all inquiries are answered with anonymity to avoid condemning the guilt-ridden innocent.
While comical, I would not recommend that tactic; however, what I do recommend is the Auntie E (E. Jean Carroll, columnist) article, “The 30 Things Every Woman Should do Before she turns 90 (or even 89).”
Written more than a decade ago, the tattered pages of that “30 Things…” list still lingers in a folder on my home office desk. Recently, I ran across it during my annual (no judging) office cleanup. I perked up when I found it but quickly gave myself a frownie when I realized how few of the thirty I have completed. While I will not go into the detailed nitty gritty, the highlight of the eight I have tackled are:
- Rescue a dog (I am four in already; I found my passport for Heaven.).
- Make out at a drive-in movie (yes, I am THAT old and would do it again in a New York minute!).
- Do not assume that failure is the end; it could lead to your biggest success.
- Learn CPR.
- Stop apologizing for your procreation choices (kid or not to kid – you decide the answer).
- Buy no more junk (o.k., so I have reduced the junk purchases and focus on quality).
- Do nothing – I spent the better part of a year during the pandemic on this one; nailed it.
- Shoot a quiver of arrows at your enemy (plainly said, slap a photo of their likeness on your golf ball, practice target, dartboard, you get the gist) and let them have it. Nailed this one as well.
As I looked at the other twenty-two items on the list, I decided I needed a plan to tackle the balance, and more importantly, these aging papers need a new home: in my Bucket List journal (which I also found during the annual cleanse; again, stop judging).
I am targeting eight per year for the next two years and four for the third (knowing I will only get to six, I will have a rolling to-do list until 2027). The 2025 hitlist includes:
- Be headstrong about something and never give in: I am taking a stance on human trafficking. No need to further explain; butt-kicking boots on standby.
- Tell fortunes like Mr. Rochester in Jane Eyre: I am taking a more practical approach to this and rather than become a crystal-ball-toting tarot reader, I intend to apply sound coaching principles and “predict” people’s “fortune” based upon behavior observations, previous outcomes, and perceived ability for success. In other words, get ready for numerous group-your-poop discussions. Mic drop.
- Become a minister: Go ahead, giggle. I will wait.
- Euthanize the ego: Develop a mantra of universal humility (get outside into nature and spend copious amounts of time looking at and photographing the moving skies as a reminder that we are exceedingly small and made by something bigger than ourselves).
- Relive your favorite summer: Must look some people up to see if they are still breathing and if we can get access to go-carts, guitars, and dive bars with a senior citizen section (discounts are a bonus).
- For 24 Hours, be a Jain Nun: Do no harm, but take no crap (summarized execution).
- Declutter like a museum curator: In my defense, I am using my house as a temporary showcase until my artifacts age enough to transition to one of my shops…just saying.
- Learn to code: I have declared that Canva and podcast software counts. Creative muse in the house.
As a lover of lists, I fondly embrace Auntie E and her Thirty Things because it generates opportunity, challenge, and some much-needed fun. I am inspired to take risks, create memories, and expand my bucket list to include more tongue-in-cheek folly.
To get more laughs and inspirational advice from Jean, reach her at E.Jean@AskEJean.com, follow her on FB / EJeanCarroll and find past columns at www.elle.com/askEJean.